Ebb and Flow
from the ob-la-di department.
written by alan on August 28, 2002

Music: Sasha - Magnetic North / Cloud Cuckoo

I'm getting back into a rhythm, which is good. Some things still linger, but everything fades in time. I've done most of the studying for my exam today, so i'm taking a break - which includes writing this - to get calm and collected once more, and then i'll get back at it. I feel i must confide in my closest friend the events which have transpired as of late. He does not know. Or not the extent to which i want him to know. His opinion matters muchly, and i shall seek it. Although, on some level i know what hes gonna say...the same sad story i've heard from everyone. Maybe he'll say nothing at all. But at least it gets off my chest a bit more.

My changes are becoming static. I think the extreme emotion actually helped too. My eating has gone _way_ down. I barely ate dinner last night, and i barely ate breakfast this morning. Lunch was light, but decent. Coupled with my walking, i should lose the weight fast :) This makes me both happy and sad. Happy, of course for health reasons. Sad because of the conformity. For years i've wanted to prove society wrong. I've wanted to attain what society says is never attainable...a true relationship thats not based on societal input. Unfortunately, its proven to be extremely hard. So i've given up.....on that goal, that is. I may try extending my walk to an hour and a half starting tonite. I'll need to take a couple cd's with me isn;t going to cut it anymore.

And y'know, i don't think its gonna be hard to keep up with the new cycle either. I'll just think of these past few days whenever i get off track. Its not like i'll be forgetting this ever. ITs one of those things thats gonna stick with me till the bitter end. All the failed attempts stick with me...this one just moves to the top of the pile.

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