from the summation department.
written by alan on September 26, 2002

Music: Interpol - pda / stella was a diver and she was always down / obstacle 1

*yawn* well, today went better than yesterday...with the exception of last night, which went excellent. My live mix was heard by quite a few people...i don;t know how many, but it was more than 10 i think...and thats more than i've ever had before. It was most likely my best set to date. Nevertheless, I still have to work on a few things to make my sets flow a bit better. I guess i'll have to work on that a bit later. Now i have to get back on the school train. Only one more exam to go. And i can hardly wait to be done ;)

I honestly don't know why i keep having these feelings over jenn. Every time i see her logged on icq, i feel something.....almost like jealousy. I can;t describe it completely....I know in the grand scheme of things she's just one person...and thats nothing to get bent outta shape over. Or is it? Many times I tell myself that its futile to even make an attempt to persue her...but on the flipside i think why not? Whats the worst that could happen? She rejects me again? Big deal. Heh, i'd like to put money on this...if i manage to get down to visit her and molly, i'm sure she'll go out of her way to avoid being alone with me or getting in a situation in which she may actually start liking me more than usual. This is what i get from her. Not directly, mind you. But its the little things. And its not that I don;t believe her, but I have a hard time with the thought that she acts like this to all the people she chats to. And something else tells me that she's really not this anti-social in real life. A part of me wants to think she just avoids talking to me so that she can;t get attached. Maybe its just my frustration with life thats getting to me...but i seriously need something. That something thats been missing. The little piece of my life that would enable to move on and evolve. I need it bigtime...i so want to move on...i don;t want to get desperate, and i'm hoping it doesn;t come down to that. I can only wait so long...

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