My Problem
from the like-i-havent-got-enough-already department.
written by alan on January 02, 2005

Music: Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights (album)

I don't understand why I'm not allowed to think freely. I mean, it seems like the world around me is turning into a 1984 ripoff where my thoughts must be controlled. I must think things that are well-informed, rational and socially-acceptable. No one has taken my opionins seriously for years, yet now they do all of a sudden. I'm sure people live healthy, fruitful lives and still think of things that would make their peers cringe. Could it be that I just can't keep my mouth shut? Should I just keep all these thoughts to myself and let everyone else keep their notions that I don't think of these things? Yeah, that's it. Keep my mouth shut and let the world keep on living it's happy life. Hear no evil.

Everyone has their problems. No one has/had perfect parents. People are a product of their environment. So, why is it that I'm lectured about my problems by people that have many of their own? I don't see them dealing with their problems any better than I deal with mine. I think its completely ludicrous that I'm judged and psychoanalyzed by my peers and yet they have no shame about it. I say shame on all of you for thinking you're any better. Oh yes, let's nip this guy's problems in the butt by telling him about them. If I had a better talent for remembering things, I'd drag each and every one of you through the same analysis. I'd like to see if you felt the same as I did when you did it to me...just to see if any of you can feel downright rotten about singling me out.

I harbour bitterness from my childhood. There are many events around which i place blame for turning out how I did. I'm bitter towards my parents. I'm bitter towards my best friend. I'm bitter towards every woman that has done me wrong. And yes, I know that the bitterness of these things manifests itself in ways that you people would rather not see or be a part of. But please, if any of you have a way to erradicate these events from my selective memory, i'm begging you to let me in on it. It would be nice to control my thoughts like you all seem to do. It'd be great to brood in silence over my crappy past like you all seem to do to yours. At least I open my mouth and attempt to get some of it out. It helps, believe it or not. I know how I get it out is not the best way. Hell, I know its downright shitty. But instead of making me feel like i'm back in high school (oh, the dark days those were), how about trying to put a positive spin on it? How about suggesting ways of dealing with things? What? You all can't think of any? Aww. Someone hasn't gotten informed themselves.

You can all come back and talk to me when you learn how to deal with hypocrisy.

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