from the reserve-tanks-depleated department.
written by alan on July 29, 2003

Music: Valentino - Flying (Main Mix) / Sasha - Motorola / Nugen - Braaj (Lemon 8 Mix)

Today was rather average. Another long day at work...mostly coding. At least now I've got my music playing again. I figure if the rest of the office staff can listen to crappy soft rock hits thru the phone system then I can listen to my own music at a reasonable volume. It's making my days go a little faster.

So all was good until I got home. The inevitable feelings started to come back. The lonliness...the depression...blah, blah, blah. A story I know you've heard a bzillion times before from angsty teenagers who can't get a handle on life. Unfortunately for me I'm in a limbo. Not anywhere close to a mid-life crisis, but close enough to feel some effects. I keep telling myself that there are potentially millions of people my age in exactly the same situation. Oh, joy. Lately it seems that the thought of other people sharing my plight doesn't do very much to help me out.

Even the thoughts and support of friends like Molly doesn't really help me out either. I'm beginning to run out of lifelines. Phoning a friend is overrated, and there's no way I can take a 50/50 on this one. I'd poll the audience, but I'm afraid that no one would respond. (pardon the millionaire references...they seemed funny at the time ;) Y'know, I think I really am too comfortable here. Perhaps next year I'll take leave of this city and find a life somewhere else. Basically force myself to start anew. Meet an entirely new bunch of people, try some new things...add some spice to my life. It really is hard to resist just staying around here tho. I know how everything works...I know what to expect. I value that kind of comfort. It's the uncertainty that I hate.

I find that it's getting hard to find time for my own goals. I been wanting to sort thru my cds again and start practicing some chillout sets. This way I could try to do a couple of live sets at coffee shops around town. I think the public is read for what I have, I just need to get my ass in gear and make it a reality. Sadly, all I want to do when I come home is just play around on my PC or sleep. I need some goddamn energy.

previous | next