The Decision
from the where-do-we-go-from-here? department.
written by alan on October 08, 2002

Music: Bush - Letting the Cables Sleep (The NOW Mix) / F.P.M. - Philter

Well, i've done it. I put (most of) it out on the line for jenn. I've laid it down. No matter what comes of it, i now know that she has some idea of where i'm coming from. True, it was a pretty bad time to bring it to light, but i had to do it. She told me that basically the reason she'd been so distant was because her emotions were kind of 'on hold'...and i can understand that. She's been going thru some crappy days as of late...many things have been bringing her down. I fear that I have only added to the problem. But i had to come clean. There was just no way i'd keep it bottled up inside until i go visit. I _was_ going to include it in the letter, but since its pretty much been said, the letter can concentrate on other, smaller matters which have nothing to do with the former.

If i've put our friendship in jeopardy, so be it. I still consider her a friend...a very good one at that. I hold all my friends close. She knows that no matter what comes of all this mess that i still care for her. I'll always care for her. Thats the long and the short of it. Now, if she thinks i'm just obsessing over her, then thats just wrong. If i was going to obsess, i'd be all over her. I wouldn;t leave her alone. I'd be writing, e-mailing, calling, etc, etc. This is clearly not the case. I just have feelings for her. If we meet and things just don;t work out, its no big deal. I'll still care. If we meet and we hit it off, awesome...and i'll still care. There's no obligations...and no salesperson will visit. Well, not in the 'sales' sense anyways. I promised i'd go see her one day, and i fully intend to do it. My advice is always free. My viewpoints are always optional.

I just hope she gives me her honest answer to my question. All i ask is an honest, firm, well thought answer. And hopefully, she'll give me a little reasoning'll be the first time anyone's done that to me in a situation like this.

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