The 'Way-Back' Machine
from the past-glimpses department.
written by alan on April 20, 2003

Music: D*Note - D*Votion / Interpol - NYC / R.E.M. - New Test Leper

It turned out to be a pretty good weekend. My knee has almost fully recovered, and I made the trip up to visit Dave...he is doing well also :) I now have one more former roommate to visit...that is Sean. The one thing holding me back there is his inability to plan his life. Whenever I make plans with him, he always finds some reason (which sometimes i think are just excuses) to not follow through. This is one of the short list of qualities in people that I absolutely loathe. If you make plans, follow through with them. A person can only take being shunned off so much.

Since the weather has improved drastically, I will now go back to exercising. Yes, yes, I know I say i'm going to do it...but my proctastination ability is as honed as my skills with computers. I'll never be comfortable with myself this summer if I don't shed some pounds. I'd seriously like to go swimming's been far too long. I also need to get back to applying for jobs. My current employment is satisfactory, but I'd like a little more money for the amount I do and I doubt they're going to give it to me. So i'll have to look elsewhere. I'll certainly miss the small business environment, but I need to experience the large business environment too.

I took a few moments to look back at myself in a social aspect. I realized that it's taken me a relatively long time to get to where I'm at regarding my social interaction skills. There's definately a need for improvement, but I suppose that will come with more experience. Its only been recently that I've gotten nearly over my fear of phones. I'd never want to call anyone but my closest friends. I wouldn't even order dinner. Of course, now I hardly care what the people on the other end think...if they don;t have the patience to wait for me to say what I need to say, then i have no need to talk to them. However, I've also realized one part of my social behaviour that has been untouched for very many years. I'm referring to my feelings toward people I find attractive. I still - even after going through numerous social occasions - cannot ask anyone to dance. The results of this inability are constantly causing me emotional hurt...especially after a recent formal affair. I 'think' the only reasons i still can't do this are (1) fear of rejection, and (2) general shyness. There are probably more reasons, however i have not identified them as yet. Perhaps if I find that someone, they will help me with this. But then, what will i need that skill for, eh? *sigh* It's a crazy life that we live in.

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