from the square-peg-in-round-hole department.
written by alan on August 25, 2002
Music: Pollon - Lonely Planet / Amon Tobin - Back From Space
Trying to fill a hole in one's life is no easy task. Today has been pretty crappy for said task. There have actually been big blocks of time where i wished there were people whom i could get to know better, or lives i could get more involved in just so i could feel more a part of something. As it turns out, no one is around to talk, or is willing to entertain a conversation on things. Maybe its just me running out of things to talk about. Who knows...
I just finished checking out wes' online journal a bit. What i saw is making me worry. Apparently things between him and Amy aren't as rosey as they would have me (and others prolly) believe. I personally always thought that those two were perfect for each other. At least it was that way in the beginning. I suppose it usually is tho, except in extreme cases. But, as i ponder what i saw, i can agree with where he's coming from. I've noticed a few of the same things that he has with Amy. Her lack of trust is one big thing that i thought wouldn't have been an issue this far along in the relationship. They've been going for over 3 years now, and the level of trust between them is what i'd expect from people who've been going for a couple months. I know Amy's had a crappy past with her ex-boyfriend(s), but there has to be point where the past gets left behind. People must evolve eventually. Another blatantly obvious thing (to me anyways) is her habit of impressing her ideas and views on people and then retracting them making the other person look like the antagonist. Sometimes when she does this to me i wanna just lash out and put her in her place. She can be so full of shiat at times. But, i guess these are issues better left for them to work out together...or break up trying. I hope it doesn't come to the latter, but change needs to be made or bad things will happen.
After conversing with jenn a bit more today i found that she at least is showing interest in me again. Of course i'm happy with this...after all these years i'd hope she'd give me a fair shot. The last time we tried anything was a total mess. Too many mixed up feelings...too much going on at home. A nightmare. Luckily enough time has passed that she has collected (at least some of) her thoughs and is able to give it a whirl. I'm very interested to see what comes of it. Very interested, indeed.
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